…

Evidently, I have no idea. I hate driving lessons.

- No matter how hard you look for one, someone else always has a bigger sombrero.

- Just because the ant powder declares it will kill fish, birds, and your garden, does not mean it will actually kill ants, or even mildly intimidate them. You want the spray that looks like water for that.

- Walnuts go with anything. Walnuts go with everything. Walnuts are delicious. Eat walnuts.

- Nowhere will sell you the awesome tequilla flavoured beer they have everywhere else in Europe. Even though its the Costa Brava, and they’re throwing sombreros at you.

- (I wish I had a better site to link to back there.)

- Seven year old cousins who know next to no English are nonetheless perfect mimics, as long as they mimic stuff you don’t want repeated, such as screaming, or the word “foot”.

- Spanish drivers do not believe in “smooth gear changes”, “careful driving”, “not stopping in the middle of a goddamn roundabout”, or “safe overtaking”.

- Seriously, I saw a moped overtaking a car, which was itself overtaking another car at the time.

- People who write tourist guidebooks have magical running powers, as they can apparently get up and down a steep, hilly and abundantly tall mountain in 40 minutes, where us normal people are wheezing with our hour each way.

- If you are so drunk you cannot even walk straight, you can nonetheless use a diving board.

- Sangria is goddamn delicious.

- Always make sure the DJ at the campsite bar has more than one CD, or you will hear “YMCA” played at least four times a night.

- If your girlfriend accidently trips you over, and your face is pointing in the direction of another girls behind for about a second as a result, you are cheating on your girlfriend. You horrible, horrible person.

- Don’t just fill the barbeque with gas and stick a match in there, or you’ll lose your eyebrows.

- Take the ring off of the security wire before trying it for size, or it will be too big.

- Thanks to no knowledge of Spanish, and a opposing incomprehension of English, you will never know whether the tattoo artist actually met David Gorman, or simply saw the Googlewhack Adventure DVD as well.

- Put some god damn suncream on already, being sunburned is not fun damnit.

- The pool is always cold, its just how hot you are at the time that changes whether that’s a good thing or not.

- Kittens cannot sit on sombreros.

- You cannot take the stray kittens home.

- No.

- No you can’t.

Now, despite the fact that nobody who reads this will be anyone I actually know in real life, telling you about what I’ve been up to is a very pointless idea. Especially considering that anyone I know in real life who knows about this site will simply ask “so when are you doing that comic with the skulls again”, thus prompting me to write more bad jokes about webcomics and dead cats in MS Paint. But damnit, if I don’t enjoy blogging more than some kid on his LJ who just got dumped. Only I don’t write bad poetry about it. And I haven’t been dumped. And I’m not a giant emo faggot. So not that far from the course then.

Anyway, here’s to my life story, and unordered lists!

• Like I said, training to be a web designer, with a home learning course that suits my “do nothing all day, and worry I’m wasting my life at night” lifestyle. Its going quite well, I’m racing through it, and hopefully I’ll be ready to get an entry level web design job by the end of the summer. This is banjaxed somewhat by being with the slowest training company in christendom. AQ project I was supposed to be given two weeks ago has yet to even appear on their site, emails can be timed, not with a watch like you’d expect, but with a calendar. And the assessment I’ve just done for XML took ages to get back. And failed by two marks. And failed by two marks the other four times I sent it in, changing what I assumed were wrong answers, mainly because they hadn’t covered half the stuff in the assessment, and Google is wonderfully unhelpful. Grr.
• I think I’ve already ranted about temping agencies, but I’ll recap in short: they don’t call me enough, because I work too hard. Or more importantly, too fast. Which is a shame, because data entry and database admin are wonderfully piss easy jobs that everyone hates doing. And occasionly pay well.
• Therefore, I’m too skint to do prety much anything. So at 22, I’m still stuck at home. I’m none too happy about that. Sooner I move out, the better for everyone. I’m turning into the sort of basement dwelling vegetable not usually seen outside of 4chan.
• Ah, driving lessons. The lessons go fine, the two tests I’ve done… I failed one for being in one lane of a dual carriageway, I failed the other for being in the other lane. And now I’ve got to wait until September to take it again. Wonderful.
• Well, at least my love lifes going well. She’s coming down tomorrow to stay for the summer. I’d say more, but if she ever reads this, I want to keep a few surprises hidden.
• I’ve spent all this time painting Warhammer models, and I’ve nobody to play against, and nowhere to do it anyway. Might have to build a gaming board and hide it under my bed. And play… hmm… myself. In my room.

And that’s about it, I think. Join us again soon where I try to recapture the long lost sense of hilarity that once pervaded this webspace.

You what? OK, credit to the man for passing without a single fault, but I failed my second driving test last week for not changing into the correct lane. And they expect us to believe he passed after another car pranged him? Fuck that.